Should I talk bout the fact, that I feel broken-hearted again? How can the same exact person break me twice in a year time? I’m a fool. Cuz I fall rarely, but when I do, is bad.
It’s true. Not a lot of people can get close to me. But there are few ones, that manage. And I cannot tell you why some can, and some cannot. I mean, it’s something from inside that connects, clicks one time and that’s it, fo life. And everytime they go away, it pains. Everytime they come to twist the knife again in the middle of the wound, it hurts.
Basically, I’m known for fightin and lettin go. You pissed me off? Goodbye! That’s how it works. I didn’t talk with my own sister for an year. So, if I could with her, trust me, there’s no thinkin twice if it’s bout somebody else. There are few people, really countable ones, that I care about and I’d give my life for. And if they make somethin to shake my stability, then it’s an earthquake.
This guy, we had a big fight last year, cuz of sum stupid shit. Because he decided to be a good guy. Well, very nice attitude, but maybe it’s too late. And the universe works. And it doesn’t on your time, it does in its own damn time. And things seem to be fixed whenever you expect them less, or when they even left your memory. The universe is still there, still doin its job.
So, after almost a damn year, when I literally forgot bout him. You kno, that kinda thing, like you pray everyday for somebody, but you actually forgot bout that person? It’s odd. But that’s how it is. So, basically he passed by just to let me know that karma didn’t catch him yet. What? I didn’t need to know that. Live your life as you chose, it took me a long damn time to move on. And I didn’t even realize. I swear. Because, here I don’t even have whom to talk to, so, talkin to my sister and reminiscin… I realized, how painfull it was 1st time, and how it got to be again. For Christ sake why? I didn’t need to know anything about you. People, if they chose to leave, they are gone for me, they don’t need to send me signals, at all. I’m good. But if they really feel like sayin somethin, just to say, they open the wounds again. I guess somebody that gives you a lot, cannot leave without makin a huge whole in your soul. And that’s what you did. And now you are acting like nothin ever happened. Good. Great, I hope you are at peace with your soul. But I kno exactly what happened, and I have proofs for that. 🙂 Because I can be a damn bitch if you push me. And it’s ok, I let you do your thing. One day! AH! I cannot wait for that day! Because, karma is a bitch and you will see, you won’t need to let me know every year that passes that she didn’t find you yet, I am perfectly fine without that. But you know under all these words and super confidence, there are blurry waters. Deep down, in ur soul, you know veeery well this truth. And I know it too. You kno how? Because I’ve been there with you. I hate how people pretend they forgot what happened before a certain period, like they are brand new brought to life again. Oh, God, how I wish this was actually workin! But it doesn’t! Life punches you in the freakin face, exactly when you feel the most comfy. Oh, yea! And I don’t wish for you that, but you really freakin pissed me off with your playin safe attitude, when you freakin know, it’s not how you now pretend it was! And you’ve always been so real, so real! But I understand how human mind functions. Especially one that is built on fear. And I know, if you ever gonna read this you’d say I’m trippin, but the person I kno, knows the truth. I just wanted to hear the words: yea, Ale, you are right. We both know how it was. But now I can’t anymore, and I want you to understand that. Yes, this I could have understood, but the crap you are talkin bout, I can’t. So, cuz I can’t do anythin bout it, I will let the life take it’s course, and I hope I’ll neva b right, for your own good. Because, me? I’m not affected. I’ve been broken long time ago. I just wanted you to be real one more time, the last time. But you couldn’t. Great, then. Enjoy your life, your beautiful life, daddy 🙂
It’s just unbelievable how life turns out to be. 🙂 How distances, become smaller, and still you are 10.000 miles away. How when you are actually 10.000 miles away in a shit hole, you are the bestest, the sweetest and the realest, but when you are on your own feet, walkin you are a superman that wants to do right. 🙂 Just writin it, sounds so funny for me. But I guess, for others is real. Well, it is true, that we all have different views of this world and principles. Who knows who’s right? Maybe, I am wrong. Just this pain in my soul, feels like I’m right. I’m not prayin for justice, because justice there isn’t. At least, not on this earth.
So, sweet, baby, enjoy ur life, may God keep you in His prayers. I will always pray for you, as I’ve always did, because who knows where this life will bring you. I just hope that one day you’ll come back clean, even if you are gonna b torn apart, I will open my arms and hug you tight as I promised. And, I keep my promises. I love you, and you will always be a huge part of my soul, because you showed me a realness, that basically few people ever did. Bless!
A.
the one that makes you the happiest, hurts you the most. #truest
everytime you say goodbye…
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